I hope everyone enjoyed the innuendo in the title of this article. If you didn't even notice that it was an innuendo, I would invite you to insert your head into the gutter. Now that we're on the same page, I will begin my rant, which I have entitled "An Ode to Satanic Red Lights".
I recently received a ticket from one of those traffic cameras on the corner of 42nd and Edgewood. Surprisingly it wasn't for speeding, it was for running through the end of a red light. So I admit, I occasionally cut it a bit to close when going through intersections. I'm just honoring that rule of thumb I remember from drivers ed: I'm past the point of no return! And to me, any point where I can see the stop light is the point of no return. No, I am not disputing the fact that I probably deserve this red light ticket. You know why I'm pissed and writing this article when I should be re-doing my Huck Finn essay? Because the ticket came in the mail TWO WEEKS after I ran the light! Seriously Crapids? Its not like you hand wrote that damn letter! The signature is some extremely pix-elated electronic image! How am I supposed to change my red-light running habits if I don't even know I'm cutting it too close? Am I going to get 14 other $100 dollar tickets in the mail? Because I will NOT be paying them! This one just ate up half of my account!! I don't care if your going to give me a ticket, Crapids. (well, I do care but that's an entirely different argument) Just give me my damn ticket in a timely manner. I will also be paying this ticket like I paid all those other damn parking tickets you gave me when I worked downtown: in pennies. Enjoy!
By: Perturbed Polly
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