Dude: Learn how to Learn!

Its 2am on a Tuesday nights, normal people would be asleep, but many students from Egg-Zavier are up studying their little butts off for an AP test they forgot they had the next day.
Now, imagine a world where you could be sound asleep at 2am, instead of downing Red Bulls and popping adderall. For students in Finland, this is their reality.
Instead of worrying about ruining their 4.33 with an A- like the over- achievers at Egg-Zavier, Finnish kids only worry about self- improvement, not competing with others to be “number one”. They have the freedom to attempt new ways of learning without fear of it coming back to bite them in the ass when preparing for college.
How many times have you gotten a test back that you didn’t do well on and felt the crippling fear that someone might see your grade? In Finland, this isn’t an issue. Students are not graded on an A-F scale, rather they are given descriptive feedback explain to them what to improve upon and what they have done well. Because of this, they are not compared to other students and don’t feel the pressure of being better than anyone else. They are able to learn in a way that best suits them.
In addition, teachers aren’t worried about getting fired due to poor test grades. The responsibility of learning does not lie with the teacher, but rather with the student. So, if an entire class fails an assignment, the teacher won’t make the next so easy that a five year old could do it, like some teachers at Egg- Zavier do, cool?
These learning methods are proven successful by Finland’s top ranking in worldwide tests. So why don’t other school systems adopt these method? Instead of freaking out about how you’re going to get into college and trying to be the best, you can learn things that you will actually remember, and maybe, actually have fun being a teenager.

Sincerely, The Jew and The Muslim (friends at last)

Love the Way You Lie

As we all know, high schoolers are never 100% open about everything going on in their lives. Lying is a lesson we learned along with the ABCs and peeing in a toilet. We have all lied to somebody; maybe a friend, parent, or even the occasional teacher asking for our late homework. The thing that some people don’t realize is that if you’re gonna lie, do it full out or you’re going to be fa-zucked. Sometimes you can get away with a simple white lie, but if you don’t get everyone in on it or make sure nobody is going to find out the facts are false then you’re screwed. Here are some do’s and don’t on lying.

Situation: your mother asks why her tribal vases are under the sink. Don’t say, “I don’t know!” in a sassy tone of voice. It will get you grounded (if your parents know what that is.) Do say, “Oh! I was cleaning the kitchen and didn’t want them to fall and break. Sorry.” An apology is always appreciated.

Situation: a friend asks you to go out but you’re mad at her. Don’t cough and say, “I’m sick,” in a sassy gay voice. You will get the reaction of “BOO! You whore.” Do come up with an excuse about how you can’t go out because you’re grounded from hiding your mom’s tribal vases.

Situation: you didn’t invite your best friend to your party and she finds out. Don’t tell her you couldn’t invite her because you had to pretend to be plastic. And NEVER accuse her of having a crush on you. Do tell her that it isn’t your party; it’s just your house.

Situation: your kids ask you about the creation story. Don’t tell them that on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle so that man could fight the dinosaurs, and the homosexuals. Do look in the damn Bible and see what really happened!

XOXO, Cady Heron

Eat, Bathe, Sleep: Three Things I will NOT Be doing Enough of in College

Upon my recent college visit I realized that my three favorite pastimes are in serious jeopardy: Eating massive amounts of really good food, taking long, luxurious, piping hot showers, and sleeping in the heavenly peace that is my own bed. I recently became aware of the problems facing each of these valuable extra-curricular activities and I'd like to share them with you now.
EAT:I know this is going to blow your mind, but after extensive investigating I discovered that the college will not provide me with an extra dorm so I can bring my own personal chef, my mother. My mother also informed me that she wouldn't come anyway, and that it is essential to get the full college experience of eating Ramen Noodles 5-7 times a week. I'm sorry, Ramen Noodles, but you get old after like half a bowl for me. Mother Superior has also already nixed the idea of replacing the desk in the dorm with a full-blown refrigerator, so there goes my plan to force her to send me home cooked meals I could store in the fridge till a later date. Ooo, and a little fun fact here: did you know that home baked cookies aren't just set on your table by a team of Keebler Elves while your gone at work or school? Someone actually has to MAKE them!!! WHAT IS THIS??!
BATHE:I have a showering fetish for a number of reasons. I hate dirt, I love a good smelling pomegranate Dove body wash, and you can't hear a damn thing anyone is saying from outside the bathroom door when you're showering! Mother's incessant yammering about "HAVE YOU FINISHED THE COMMON APP YET?" is drowned out by a combination of hot running water and the fact that I have probably crammed my ears full of soap at this point in the conversation. Unfortunately, you do not get your own personal shower at college, and apparently people yell at you if you take to long! And since they aren't yelling through a bathroom door, YOU CAN HEAR THEM! This is madness!!! Screw the fridge, I'm replacing my desk with a personal bath tub!
SLEEP:I can assure you that baby Jesus didn't sleep as well in his little manger on the first Christmas as I do in my own bed. What can I say, I'm a spoiled little princess. I like to sleep spread eagle in the exact center of my massive queen-size bed. And unless I'm going to attempt to build some sort of bunk-bed-bath were my personal bathtub is lofted above my queen size bed, I don't think there is any college in America with dorms big enough for it! What am I supposed to do, sleep in a TWIN sized bed? That's the biggest misnomer in the entire world, by the way, because what set of twins wants to share a bed that small?! All I can say is that while I am over the moon to get out of Cedar Rapids and off to college, there's definitely going to need to be some adjusting. I'm going to have to make some compromises. Personal jacuzzi, or massive bed? COMPROMISE: massive water bed. 
By Princess Patty